Connecting Authentically with Patients

It’s no secret that, generally speaking, we nurses are people-oriented and tend to be individuals geared towards human connection and empathy. While there may be some exceptions, the relative perception of nurses is that we’re people who like other people. In the course of our nursing careers, we tend to meet many patients or clients, and while some of these relationships may be very brief and fleeting, they can still hold meaning. And if we’re in a situation where we have the opportunity to work with individual patients over many weeks, months, or even years, that’s an entirely different ball game.

Considering how nurses often work well with others in the complex world of healthcare, what does it mean when we form authentic connections with our patients, and what are the positive consequences when that happens?

Connecting and Communicating

A lot of nursing is about connecting and communicating. Yes, we administer vaccines, chemotherapy, and dress wounds, and collect blood, but much of what we do is about connection and communication. Providing patient care is multifaceted, but no matter how many tasks we perform, the invisible threads between us are what make these human interactions special, and sometimes even magical.

When you’re face to face with a client, what is it about that relational connection that lights you up? What skills or techniques do you employ to help that connection feel authentic? How do you ensure that your interactions are not just mechanical and automatic?

There are many ways we can foster connections when relating to patients. Here are a few to consider. Can you think of others?

The face: Facial expressions and eye contact communicate so much, and if we’re conscious of how we’re facially responding to cues from others, we can put them at ease and grease the relational wheels. Smiling can elicit a physiological response within our bodies, as well as the bodies of the people we’re interacting with. Bearing this in mind, we can use our faces to foster trust.
The body: Body language isn’t invisible, but sometimes it’s highly unconscious. Leaning forward can show interest and engagement, while crossing our legs or arms can make us feel cut off and less connected. How close or far away we stand or sit from a patient can also communicate so much. Have you ever seen the difference between a doctor who towers over the bed and talks down to a patient, compared to another doctor who sits on the edge of the bed or pulls up a chair and talks eye-to-eye?
Laughter: There’s so much that can foster a feeling of connection, and mutual laughter can be a powerful bridge-builder. We can’t force laughter or humor, but when we manage to share a light moment with a patient, sometimes the feelings of separation melt away.
Questions and inquiry: Asking questions that get to the core of patients’ concerns can help them to feel seen and heard, especially if you can repeat back to them what you’re hearing in a way that feels empathic and authentic. People generally want to feel heard, so if you inquire about their feelings, their families and relationships, their fears and concerns, and even their hopes and dreams, they will walk away feeling well-cared for.
Selective therapeutic self-disclosure: We always want to be aware of violating boundaries with our patients, but the therapeutic use of self is a useful psychological tool. In this context, you choose to share your own personal experience only if it will serve the client, and isn’t solely for your benefit. This can often work well when a client is going through something very difficult (e.g., the death of a loved one), and you, as the clinician, share something personal about your own experience of loss.

Feeling Understood

Ultimately, humans crave a sense of understanding, and providing it to our patients is one of the most powerful ways we can foster authentic connection. It’s not rocket science, but it does take focus and conscious awareness.

We’ve probably all experienced being a patient in a clinical scenario where we end up feeling like the provider just hasn’t seen or heard us. We may feel unseen, unheard, misunderstood, or just plain invisible. It may feel like the doctor or nurse saw the chart, the x-ray, or the lab results, but they never truly saw us sitting there on the exam table. We almost always walk away from these types of situations feeling dehumanized and disappointed.

Whether it’s laughter, facial expressions, body language, expressions of empathy, or asking powerful questions, there are countless ways to connect authentically. How do you connect, and how does it feel when it works? You’ve probably been on both sides of this equation. When that sense of authentic connection is truly there, we can likely all agree that there’s nothing like it when two human beings spend a moment—or a series of moments—in that magical space of a mutually agreeable and highly satisfying human interaction in the context of the delivery of high-quality care.

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Keith Carlson

Keith Carlson, BSN, RN, NC-BC has been a nurse since 1996. As a holistic career coach, nurse podcaster, writer, blogger, and well-known motivational speaker, Keith empowers nurses regarding personal branding; professional networking; entrepreneurship; resume, job search, and interview strategies; emotional and relational intelligence; personal wellness; and the building of a dynamic nursing career. Keith happily resides in Santa Fe, New Mexico with his wife, Shada McKenzie, a gifted and highly skilled traditional astrologer. He can be found at NurseKeith.com and The Nurse Keith Show podcast.